spam comments

Every day I look through my spam comments. It’s not to make sure nothing got culled by accident, because I don’t really care.

It’s simply to remind me of what I never want to be: a leech on the internet, a waste of bandwidth, a groveling loser trying to attract clicks to my shitty, hastily thrown together website about diets or hawking dog snuggies (no shit, that’s in there today).

You people are the scum of the internet.

Here’s a pro-tip if you actually want to comment here. Don’t link to anything. Nothing. Not even a plaintext URL. I will delete it. If you want to plug your shit, shoot me an email, I’ll look at it, and if I like or whatever you’re hawking, I’ll plug it. Thanks. Otherwise, go away.

I do, however, enjoy the actual comments they use, the lure hiding the hook, designed to flatter and stun the weak-minded seeking desperately for approval and attention from the internet. Here a few from today:

I couldnt have said it any better to be honest! keep up the awesome work. You are very talented & I only wish I could write as good as you do :) …

This on a post where I said nothing, merely posted a video and threw in a part of the lyrics I liked. But oh gosh, how my heart overflowed when I read that comment. I am a genius! The internet has spoken! They looove me!

Have another:

this is a good style for me. thanks for the hard work.

I did a tiny bit of writing on that post, but it was far from hard work. Three paragraphs, following a quote from the link.

My point is that they appeal to your vanity, and most bloggers, let’s be honest, they have quite a bit of vanity. Ego up to here, and then some. Some might let a comment slide because it looks good, is complimentary, whatever. Maybe they just want those pretty numbers by their post titles, looks good.

Tell you what. Hit more, and I’ll explain what we can do about this.

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